Love Lost, Love Gained
by Katidid
Summary: Bella realizes that the way she left things with Jake wasn't great, but she knew she couldn't do anything about it. Now she can. Please note that this is a rewrite of Breaking Hearts!
1. Love Lost, Love Gained

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even a tiny sliver…which unfortunately includes Jake…. Gosh darn!**

**Oh, also, this takes place before Breaking Dawn, and Embry and Bella are also friends in this.**

**Here's the written first chapter of this story. I've been rewriting if for a while now; I looked back, and saw that my writing has improved, and I hope that you all agree! So, here's the first chapter:**

I stare at the letter in my hands again; it had arrived a week ago. The letter crinkles in my hand, the words starting to blur in front of my eyes. The small, neat blue lines merge into one great big blue spot, making it hard to make out anything. I blink, and the words jump back to their spot on the page.

"Bella,"

I gasp, crumpling the letter up in my hands, shoving it into my sweatshirt pocket. I stand, almost tipping over. Edward's there in a second, steadying me. He holds me; his eyes filled with concern and laughter, but also have an underlying hint of sadness in them.

His eyes had become unguarded in our time living in Dartmouth. We had agreed that I would go to college at Dartmouth before we got married during the summer of my Freshman year. Only half a year.

His cold hand grasps my chin lightly, once I'm steady, making me look up into his eyes. "You can go, you know, I won't stop you,"

I open my mouth, stopping the gasp as it tries to leave my throat, "What are you talking about?"

His hand brushes across my stomach softly, where the letter is, "The letter that arrived last week, you've read it almost three times a day since you got it. It's from Forks, I know, and I can guess it's about Jacob. You can go, if you would like, I will not stop you, Bella."

I shake my head, "It's nothing; the letter is just that, a letter, Edward."

He gives me a small smile, "I love you, Bella, but please don't lie. I know there is something important in that letter that you guard so carefully. There is no need for you to hide it from me, I wish you to know that."

I look away, "It's nothing, Edward, I promise," it's only a letter telling me that my best friend has disappeared, and most likely gone crazy. "It's just a letter telling me how things are back in Forks," almost true, "I promise, it's nothing important."

Edward lets go of me, "I still don't believe you, Bella, but if you would rather not talk about it, that is fine with me. Just know, that if you would like to go back to Forks, that you are welcome to it."

I walk away, heading to the corner of my room, "I don't want to go back, Edward, I want to stay here with you,"

I hear him move behind me, placing one of his cold hands on my arm, "I would go with you, if you wish it,"

I turn around, tears starting to form in my eyes, "I don't want to go! I want to stay here, with you, at Dartmouth," what does he think of me? I can't go back to Forks, but I want too. I want, no I need to help my best friend, but I don't want to go back to Forks, I want to stay here, with Edward. "I **want** to marry you!"

His eyes sadden again, "I never said anything about that, Bella, all I said was I would be willing to go with you."

I look away, ashamed of what I said, realizing what I did. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean anything by that."

"Didn't you, Bella? I didn't say anything about our marriage, you did."

I look back up at him, "I didn't mean anything by it, I promise Edward!"

"Just like the letter doesn't mean anything? I know what it says, Bella. I know what has happened to Jacob."

My eyes harden, "You read my letter?" He looked at **my** letter? He should have known better, it's **mine**.

His eyes widen, "Yes, I did. I was worried about you, you've read that letter so many times, I wanted to know what was happening, you weren't telling me what was going on, so yes, I read it."

I know he's surprised that I'm mad at him, but he doesn't understand. My world is falling apart around me. I'm grasping onto the one steady thing in my life, and that's Edward.

"You could've asked,"

"Would you have let me read it?"

I bit my lower lip, realizing that I wouldn't have let him read it; I wouldn't have let him have my letter from Billy. My only contact that has anything to do with my Jake, my best friend.

His hand caresses my cheek softly, "I knew you wouldn't let me read it, I only wanted to know what was going on."

I move my head away, not wanting his cold hands on me anymore.

I hear him take a deep breath, even though he doesn't need to breathe. "I think the wedding should be postponed, Bella."

I gasp, drawing in a deep breath, "We still have things to work out, I thought that we had moved past this problems, but now, now I'm not so sure. We need to work out our problems, and until we get past them, I think we should……. we should postpone our wedding."

I gasp at him, feeling like a fish out of water, my mouth opens and closes, but he doesn't say anything.

"I will go and get your ticket to Forks, where I will be joining you in a few days to visit with my family."

I nod my head, shocked, not expecting this to happen. Not expecting all this to happen because of a letter. I take the letter out, un-wrinkling it, smoothing it out on top of my dresser. I stare at the words again, the words that lead to the questions Edward has about our engagement. I read the letter again.

_Dear Bella,_

_I shouldn't be writing you, I know you've moved on. That you found another life with your love, and I respect that. I hope you know that I would interrupt your life for no reason. A good reason._

_It's Jake. He's….he's not well. He got the invitation to your wedding. He…he ran, Bella. He knows your choice, Bella, but you know Jake. He…he doesn't…he understands, Bella, but he had a difficult time dealing with it. He came back, a couple months after he left, but…but it wasn't him, Bella. It was some other person, not my son. And I know that I have no right to ask, but if you could find some time, if you could come back. Just for a day, and talk to him. I would be in your dept._

_He hasn't been himself ever since. We've tried everything. The pack doesn't know what else to do. They hate it when they become wolves, saying that he fills their heads with you. Thoughts of how much he misses you, of how much he loves you. This isn't your fault._

_I know how I'm making this sound, but I want you to know that no one blames you for this; we all understand that this is all Jake's doing. That he brought this upon himself._

_He barely comes out of his rooms anymore. He runs, he eats, he sleeps, and he doesn't do much else. Jake, he can't stand being alone with his thoughts, but at the same time he can't stand being in other people's company. He comes and goes as he pleases, never leaving a way to reach him, or when he's going to be back._

_As of right now, he's gone, but he should be back soon. Most of his trips last about a month, maybe longer, maybe shorter. He should be back any day now. At first I tried to stop him, but after a while he just snuck out, coming back when it pleased him, never offering up any explanations, or where he went. He leaves when he can't take it anymore, when his thoughts and feeling won't leave him alone anymore. After I while, I came to except this. Knowing that they give what no one else can._

_I beg you to come and see him. I don't care when, I don't care how long. Just please, see him. I don't care if you leave and forget about us after it, just please, come and see him. Show him that everything will be okay. Make him come back to himself, please, because you're the only one who can. You can make him come back, to become himself once again, the care free, loving person we once knew. All I ask is that you take a plane ride._

_Lots of love,_

_ Billy_

I can feel the tears start to fall down my face again, as I read and reread the letter. I caused this. No matter what they say and think, I know I caused this. I caused my best friend to go crazy, to become a shell of his former self. I caused this because I didn't want to try and live without Edward. I forced him to do what I couldn't, what I wouldn't do.

I know what I have to do. I reach for my phone, dialing the number I've wanted to dial for so long, but have been too weak to do. I punch in the ten numbers that I'd been ignoring, feeling as tears start to well up in my eyes again. Two rings.

Edward comes in, placing an envelope on my dresser, closing the door quietly behind me.

Another two rings.

"Hello?"

I let out a deep breath, "Billy?"

"Bella!"

I smile a shaky smile, even though I know he can't see me. "Yeah, I got your letter,"

"Bella, I'm sorry about that, I wouldn't have done that if it wasn't true. Jake….he hasn't been well,"

I walk over to my dresser, picking up the envelope on my dresser; I take out the sheet of information, reading it carefully.

"Billy…I'll…I'll be there, I…I have a couple of flights, I should be there in a couple of days. I leave tomorrow, and I should be there on the 16th, at some point. My last plane lands at around 9:05 in Port Angeles if it lands on time. It could take me an hour and a half, two hours before I get to your house."

"I'll have Embry come up and drive you back; you shouldn't be driving after all your flights. I know Charlie would want to see you, but he's out of town this week, he's got that trip to Canada."

"Yeah, I remember, he told me about that, left last week, didn't he?"

"Yes, yes he did, he was really excited about this trip,"

I smile, but remember what Billy said earlier, "You don't need to have Embry drive up here, I can drive myself down."

"No, you'll have what? Spent nine hours on a plane, and another nineteen in airports? No, you will not drive, I'll get Embry to drive up, what time will your plane land?"

I sigh, "Billy, that's not necessary, I can do it myself."

"No, you will let Embry drive you, and when you arrive, you will stay here with us. Jake is here now, but is out at the beach right now."

"Is he…is he any better?" I know he probably isn't, but I have to ask. I have to hear it for myself.

"No, no he isn't,"

I sigh again, "What time does your plane land?"

"It's supposed to land at 9:05, but you know,"

He laughs, "Yes, I know,"

There's a moment of pause before I ask, "Are you going to tell him? That I'm coming?" I clarify, wondering what will happen when I show up at his house.

"No, I don't know anything about your coming; in fact, I haven't talked to you since I said goodbye to you before you left for Dartmouth with Edward."

I smile a little at that, Billy and Jake are still acting the same, that's a good thing. "I…thank you, I guess, for letting me stay with you then and for making Embry come and get me." I give a soft smile at the thought of Embry. I hadn't seen him in almost 6 months, I missed my friend.

I can him smile on the other end of the phone, "You are welcome, Bella,"

"I…I guess I should hang up now, I have to pack…for the trip."

"Yes, yes…and Bella? Thank you,"

I smile softly, "You're welcome, Billy."

"Bye, Bella,"

"Bye, Billy, I'll see you in two days,"

I hang up softly, looking at the door. I know how this must be killing Edward. I hate it, knowing that I'm causing him pain. He postponed our wedding. I'd never imagined that anything like that would happen. Ever.

I look around the room, slowly taking in the things around me. The walls are a light blue color, as are the pillows. The comforter is a mixture of green, light blue, and brown. The walls are covered with pictures and books. The bed is large, with a canopy over head; the dresser is across from the bed, a large mirror over it. On one side there is a large window, and on the other side there is my closet.

I walk over to my closer, clothes are strewn across the closet; Alice had gone overboard when we left. I pick up one of the suitcases, sighing as I set it down on my bed.

"Edward?"

The door opens slowly, as if he's afraid. He stands in front of my door, not moving, almost like he's afraid to come any farther in.

"I'm sorry, you know," I take a deep breath, "I never meant for this to happen,"

He nods his head, "Yes, I know, but this had to be done."

I nod my head in response, his eyes have become covered again, but I know that he's feeling pain right now. I can feel his pain, and I can feel my pain, and I know that soon, I'm going to start crying. Crying at the pain that I've caused to the two people I love most.

"I will leave you to your packing, Bella,"

I watch as he turns around and leaves, closing the door behind him.

I walk back to my closet and dresser, taking only the necessities, jeans, and t-shirts with me. Alice would kill me if she could see me now. I pack everything I will need, and by the time I'm done its dark out. I look back at the sheet of paper on my dresser, I reread it, making sure I know of the plan.

I have to go to bed; I have to be up around 4 tomorrow morning. My plan from Lebanon leaves at 5:30, and I need to be there by 4:30, Lebanon airport is only a couple of minutes away. I change, climbing into bed, trying to clear my thoughts of everything, trying to fall asleep and not think about what I'm doing.

My alarm clock goes off at 3:45, I groan, getting out of bed. No one should have to get up this early, no one. I quickly get out of bed and change into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. If I'm going to be on planes all day, I'm going to be comfy. I quickly eat breakfast, calling a cab as I make it; I stop in front of Edward's room. I stand there for a couple of minutes before taking a deep breath and knocking on his door. "Come in, Bella,"

I open the door slowly, sticking my head in, "I'm leaving now, Edward,"

He nods his head, "Okay, I will see you in a few days when I visit my family."

"'kay," this hurts. It hurts so much. Why do I have to cause everyone I love pain? Why did this happen to me?

I close the door quietly, grabbing my suitcase as I head to the door. The cab is already there, the only light in the darkness around me. The cab driver gets out helping me put my suitcase in the trunk.

We drive in silence to Lebanon Airport; he helps me get the suitcase out after I pay him. I walk to the check in counter, signing in before sitting down to wait the next hour out. The airport is cold and empty, and the black and metal chairs mock me, telling me that this is all my fault. Silently telling me that no one should love me because I'll only end up causing them pain, and I can't disagree. I feel that way. I shouldn't let anyone near me, I'll only hurt them….or be hurt by them.

I shake my head, trying to get rid of my thoughts. I stretch, cracking my back. I lean back onto the chair, pulling out _Withering Heights_ for the who knows how many times.

Slowly the airport starts to fill up, but even at 5:30, it's not very full. I sigh again as I climb into the small plane that's taking us to Boston. Today's going to suck, I hate planes. They always make me feel sick when we're taking off, any other time, I'm okay, but not during takeoff. At least this plane ride only last less than an hour, and then it's another three hour waiting period at the Boston Airport. I pull out my book again, I'm going to read as much as I can before landing, I'll do my homework on the other plane rides, but for now, I'm reading.

The plane lands on the stripe, and I smile. One plane ride down, only five more to go. Whoopee!

I sigh, trying to read the signs posted around the airport while being jostled around. I never would have though the airport would be so busy at 6:30 in the morning, but then again this is Boston.

I love Edward right now; he made it so that I don't have to worry about my luggage until I get to Port Angeles.

I make my way through the throbs of people, finally finding the terminal I'm supposed to wait at, 34B. People are milling about, but not very many of them; the flight doesn't leave for another three hours. I memorize my way, finding a small place to eat. The food is expensive, and not very good, but again, it is airport food. I smile as I look around me; half the people behind the counters are half asleep.

I pull apart the bagel in front of me, it's hard, but at least it's warm. I eat quickly, walking back to the terminal. There are more people milling about now, carry-on bags over flow into the isles. I sit down, pulling out my phone. Edward had insisted that I needed it, and now I'm kind-of happy that I let him get it for me.

The day passes in a blur of airports and airplanes, take offs, and landings, and when I stumble into the Port Angeles at 9: 45, half an hour late, I couldn't be happier to see the 6 feet of Embry waiting in the terminal.

And when he opens his arms to me, I fall into them like he's a cloud, pure _bliss_.

He smiles, wrapping his arms tightly around me, "Hey Bells,"

I smile into his chest. "Missed you, Em."

I can't see it, but I know he smiles above me, his hands running through my hair. "We've missed you too, Bells,"

My arms tighten around him, but he pulls away. I groan.

His laugh is light and happy above me, "Come on, Bella, I don't want you falling asleep on me in the airport, you can do that in the car."

I smile up at him, slowly coming out of my half asleep state of mind.

He leads me to the baggage claim, helping me carry my bags to his car once we're there. When he climbs in beside me, I sigh softly. I'm going back to Forks.

Embry pulls me to his side as he pulls out of the parking garage, "It'll all be okay, Bella, just rest for now, we'll get you all settled in at Billy's, and everything will be okay."

I smile at him, resting my head against him. He always did know what I needed to hear.

My eyes fall close, comfortable in the safety of Embry's arm, and the blurry, soft noise of the radio talk show.

I groan as I cold air and rain hits my face. I bury my head into the soft comfort on my right. A soft round of chuckles and a hand on my head. "Shh, go back to sleep, Bella, I've got you."

Embry. Embry, my sleep fogged brain supplies me, before I drift off again.

I can hear them. They're trying to be quiet, but I can hear them. Jake's strained voice, Billy's concerned one, Embry trying to be the voice of reason. I open my eyes, just slightly, just to see where I am. There's a wall in front of me, but I know I can't be in one of the bedrooms…the couch. The couch is a futon.

I close my eyes as I hear the sound of footsteps, coming closer and closer.

I slow my breathing; they can't know I'm up. Not yet.

A shadow falls over me, and I have to make sure I don't tense. I've got to be relaxed, I'm sleeping. Another shadow, and a soft spoken whisper, "Jake, I wanted to tell you, but she called me from the Seattle airport. She was crying man, I just wanted to help. I would have taken her to Charlie's place, but I didn't know where the keys were, and she was sleeping. I'm sorry, I couldn't warn you about her coming, but I had to leave then, or I wouldn't have made it in time to pick her up."

A soft growl, "Why was she crying?" I shiver at that, Jake shouldn't growl. It doesn't fit him, not _my_ Jake.

A soft hand on my back, caressing, apologizing for growling. "She didn't say, her flight was boarding, and when I got there, she looked….bad. She fell asleep on the way here, only woke up when I was bringing her in."

Silence after that.

We hadn't talked about what the reason for me being here was, but I guess I can always tell them that the Wedding had been postponed, that I needed to come home, get away from it all for a day or two, before Edward came.

I could be crying about that.

"What do you think He did to her?" It's almost a growl again, and I almost shiver at it. He shouldn't be doing this.

"I don't know, man, it might not have even been about Him. Let her sleep, she's been on planes all day, come out and run with me."

I can't help it; I try to follow the warmth of Jake's hand as he moves away. His hand moves away a piece of my hair, "Don't worry, Bells, I'll stay for you,"

My heart aches at that. He'll _stay_ for me. Even after all the pain I've been causing everybody. He'll still be here for me.

I bury my face in the pillows, allowing my mind to drift, anything to get this out of my head.

My minds still fuzzy when I wake up, but I can make out the smell of pancakes coming from the Kitchen. I grown as I stretch out on the bed, my arms rising above me, as my back straightens. I roll over, crawling out of the bed toward the smell.

Embry smiles at me as I walk in, "What are you doing here, didn't you go home last night?"

He shakes his head, "Naw, went out for a run with Jake, slept outside last night,"

I nod my head. My eyes sweep across the small kitchen as I ask, in barely a whisper, "Is he still here?"

I walk over to the table as Billy wheels himself in, "He's taking a shower at the moment, Bella."

I smile at Billy. "Hey, Billy,"

He returns the smile, before looking to Embry. "If I can get Bella to take over the cooking from you, will you help me with some things out back?"

Embry sneaks a peek at me, before he gives Billy a nod. I'm not stupid, I know what they're doing, but I take the frying pan from Embry anyway.

When Jake comes out a few minutes later, wet but dressed, I freeze. All thoughts of how I was going to explain why I was here fly out the door as I look at him. My best friend.

He pauses in the doorway, looking at me. "Jake?" My voice is small and weak, and sounds like a scared child, and I hate it, but it seems to break Jake out of whatever he was in. He smiles at me, opening his arms up to me, and I rush into them. His arms tighten around me, almost to the point of not being able to breath, but I can't help it, I missed this, missed him.

He smiles into my hair, and I breathe in the scent that only he can have. Fresh, wet, clean, _wonderful_. His arms lift me up, allowing me to wrap my legs around him, and I bury my face in his neck.

"So sorry," I mumble into his neck, "Missed you, so sorry,"

His hand moves up to stroke my hair, "Hey, hey, look at me."

I move, looking into his warm brown eyes. "Its okay, Bells."

I nod my head, hugging him tightly again. His hugs are _perfect_. Soft, warm, overbearing, powerful, soft, comforting.

I pull away to look at him again, "You can't leave, not again. Billy needs you, the Pack needs you, and I can't be worrying about you. You can't leave, not again." I repeat.

He smiles, "I'll stay, I wasn't going to leave again." He takes a breath, "I needed to figure some things out, needed to get away for awhile, but I've got it all under control now."

I can't help it; I smile again, resting my head against his shoulder. "Good, Billy needs you here, Jake."

His hand continues to stroke my hair, and I haven't felt anything better in forever. Nothing else matters right now. Jake's staying, and everything will turn out okay.

**Ta-da! Tell me what you think please!**


	2. Sorry,

Hey, sorry guys, it was brought to my attention that a link to chapter 2 went out, but didn't work. That's because I was having trouble with , and end everything got messed up!  So, this chapter is just to let you know that I am rewriting Breaking Hearts, which is now being called Love Lost, Love gained. Thanks, and sorry for any confusion!


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